![]() As soon as I got out of bed I was screaming and blaming, I was possessed, and all I saw, with funnel vision, was that everything was a mess and things needed to be destroyed in order to be fixed.įixing, controlling and blaming are the marks of an active pain body or monster. One night after I went too low in a depression incident I woke up angry. That is what happens when we discover it It‘s rendered a LOT less powerful, even comic. ![]() The monster turned into a bubble that could only jump up and down, she said. To her credit, the little girl took this to heart and on her next nightmare she turned around and looked at the monster straight in the eye. She was petrified.Ī wise psychologist suggested that next time she felt the monster behind her in her sleep, instead of running, to turn around. I heard a story once of a little girl that kept having nightmares about a monster following her at night, on the street. So here we are, in the here and now that ZERO marks, with the willingness to look. The monster energy that possesses me, and probably you too sometimes, does NOT like it that we are talking about it.īecause when we are willing to face it, it begins to loose power. I don’t like it.Īnd I will tell you something more, a secret, at the risk of making life a living hell for me…. It takes even more courage to notice that sometimes we act crazy. It is not pretty to turn around and notice we had a prominent role in all of our problems. ![]() It takes a certain type of courage to be open-minded enough to notice that when everything falls apart, the problem MIGHT be within us. I had to start at zero because if there is no willingness to see, then you are probably not even here reading this post. I think a lot about the monster, and I am always in the lookout for tools that can help me curb it when it pops up. ![]() I am aware.ĭo you see how enormous that is? To realize that sometimes we are just “taken” by this energy, which is pretty universal, and that can strike anyone? My guess is that perhaps they did not have the gift I’ve been given, which is I can SEE when the monster takes over. But then again, who am I to blame anyone?Īll members of my family where doing the best they could with what they knew at the time. I am not proud of it it is just the way it is. I grew up in one of the most dysfunctional families of South America. I can rationalize where this mad-energy comes from. Just the fact that I am talking about it here and that I am aware this energy can possess me is a HUGE WIN. It wants to assure me that I am not worth having a descent conversation, a peaceful way of life, No! It wants blood, and if it is other people’s emotional blood then all the better. I fear it because once it takes over it wants only one thing: To destruct everything around me, anything good, and in a bad way. To this day I wonder why is it that sometimes I am taken over by this angry monster, pain body, or just insane mad person that wants to kill everything around it, me included of course. My then boyfriend of 11 months was not clear that we were through and I thought I was sending a strong message, staging a drama, doing it for good.īut the truth is I was crazy, unconscious, downright dangerous and out of my mind. The walls were spinning and I was not drunk, but anger was totally moving me, and it even felt good. When I started kicking the furniture and throwing a can of diet coke against the wall in that Brooklyn apartment, I knew I was pretty angry, but I had no idea I was out of control. ![]()
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